A Birthday Visit with Mom
Mom and I were in a department store, looking at clothes in the Ladies’ section, my daughter and granddaughters looking at clothes on the other side of the wall display. I encouraged her to try on the coat she was looking at – a full-length tweed with a fitted bodice, A-line skirt, and an attached hood and capelet.
She admired herself in the mirror as I reached up to flip over one of the collar buttons and smooth out the lapel. She stood a little taller than me in her heels, with her perfect posture and her perfectly coiffed, slightly bouffant hair straight out of the 1980’s. The coat fit her just as perfectly, and I suggested we go around the corner to show the girls how nice it looked on her. She smiled, took a step towards me, and my alarm went off, rudely waking me from this most pleasant dream.
Today is Mom’s birthday. She would be 96 years old today, if she hadn’t passed in 2022, just a couple of months before her 93rd birthday. I was thinking about her all day yesterday, and how much I missed her, and how much I missed having stronger memories of her from before she moved in with me, before her dementia set in with a vengeance. After a decade of caring for her at home, and another five years of visiting her at the memory care center, most of the pictures in my head are of her as she was the last few times I saw her: slightly slumped in her wheelchair; waving at the people-shaped shadows she could just detect when staff walked past; gradually losing interest in her food during meals, even dessert. And finally, the images seared into my memory of her lying on her hospice bed, shrunken, curled up, non-responsive, as I sat with her, holding her hand and talking to her, sleeping on a cot in her room, counting the seconds between each inhalation and exhalation until there were none left to count.
I truly believe that vivid dreams of loved ones who have passed are literal visits from the Great Beyond, whatever that might be. I guess Mom felt me thinking about her and decided to drop in. It was really nice to see her again as she is in my best memories of her – standing tall, beautiful, and radiating the loving energy that helped me and all of her descendants feel like our best selves.
Thanks for stopping by, Mom. I needed to see you. Please visit again real soon.
Soapbox By Kay 
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